It's never easy.  At least for me.  And this is not a goodbye that I can turn into saying,  "see you soon!" Because I know in my heart of hearts, we won't see each other again. And that's what's painful.  And also,  for that, I say sorry.  I'm terribly sorry.  I apologize for not being ready.. for not being brave enough.  Although, maybe we were just meant to know each other now and everything would come to an end just like that.

Last time I saw you.. I smiled. You smiled too.. well, at least you tried.

I was crying almost the whole time on my way home because smiling at each other was something that we do effortlessly.. who am I kidding?  We don't just smile.  We laugh! And oh so loud! 

I'm glad I told you that I love you.  And I'll be forever grateful to the Lord that He allowed me to get to know you and that you made me feel loved.  You are one great friend! 

Many may not understand what we had because it was not that evident, and maybe for others, not that significant.. but you made a mark in my heart, in my life.. I will never be the same.  The world will never be the same. 

I can only imagine how much loss other people who held a bigger piece of you feel.. because this tiny crumb I hold is so terribly painful.

The tears are still automatic, and I think I'm still in denial.. because I can still smile.. I can still laugh.. but when the tears turn on.  I can't seem to pull the plug.   What will happen when this sinks in? How long will it take for the tears to run out? Or worse, will it even flow?

Many may say I'm such a drama queen.. well, I don't care.. I never did. 

I hope the last few smiles we shared was enough to say all these.. and those that I can't put into words.  Because "goodbye" is never enough.